Someday
by Nellie Lovett 'Barker
Summary: Phillip Hamilton has finally come back home from his year at boarding school. He would have loved nothing better than to stay home with his family on a summer's night, but thanks to Angelica, he finds himself stuck at dinner party where they (not-so-unexpectedly) reacquaint themselves with an old friend.
1. Prologue

This story was inspired by the fact that Alexander Hamilton's life just seems like one tragedy and heartbreak after another and no one in his family really got a happy ending. I want to pretend they did. In this story you're not going to see untimely deaths of young people, mental breakdowns, or ridiculous duels. There will be angst, drama, and romance (because that's just what I've been writing about since I was twelve), but no major emotional upheavals. Probably. I also really like the idea of Phillip and Theodosia getting together and uniting the families, preventing a lot of bloodshed, so that's what we'll have here. I'll try to stay true to the period, but I'm a biologist by (almost) degree, not a historian. I apologize for inaccuracies. Now I should mention that I have absolutely no knowledge of how or even if the Hamilton and Burr children interacted, as I'm currently only on chapter 3 of the Chernow biography. That said, enjoy this story! Feedback is appreciated and welcomed.

Also we're going to pretend that the Reynold's Pamphlet was published in May not July of 1979.

* * *

"Phillip!" The moment the front door to his home swung opened, Phillip Hamilton found himself locked in a tight embrace by 13-year-old Angelica. "You're home. I've missed you so! Please never leave me again." She mumbled into her older brother's shoulder.

Phillip laughed, holding his sister equally as tight. "I was home only a few weeks ago. Surely you haven't missed me that much."

"I've missed you like a fish would water. I'm so glad you're home," she said, finally releasing him. Phillip grimaced.

"Has it been terrible at home since?" he whispered.

"Father's been busying himself with work. He's hardly ever home, and when he is he's only ever in his office. He tried sharing a meal with us all since the publication but every time it's only been the most uncomfortable silence at the table."

"And how's mother doing?"

Angelica frowned. "She's been trying to keep up appearances. She's still teaching James and Alexander piano, but nothing's really the same. She won't speak to father when he's here. The boys have noticed something's odd, but I didn't think they'd be able to understand the situation if I were to explain it to them."

"No, you're right. Best not introduce that to them this young, anyway."

Angelica sighed. "I really am happy to have you back. Come on, let's get inside. Mother should be back any moment now." She moved back inside, letting him pass and closing the door behind them. "She went to the baker in town to get a pie for your return dinner with the boys and Aunt Angelica. I couldn't stomach the thought of missing your return." She made her way to the kitchen to sit at the table. "And who else would attend to these letters?"

"My dear Angelica, suitors already? I hadn't expected these to start coming in until your sixteenth year," Phillip teased. Angelica rolled her eyes.

"Did you not noticed the hundreds of men lining up on the porch to ask for my hand when you came in? We must get you glasses, Philip dearest," she shot back. "These are mostly letters of sympathy from apparent friends of mother's who evidently cannot believe what has happened and feel the need to press her for more information," she explained as she picked up an open letter on the table, tearing it into quarters. "I've been trying to spare her from the more indelicate ones, but I can't get to them all."

Phillip shuffled through a few of the letters that sat haphazardly on the table. One particular letter, addressed in elegant script to _A. Hamilton and Family_ caught his eye. "What's this?" he asked his sister, holding the empty envelope in his hand.

"Oh! That was from Theodosia Burr. She invited us to a dinner party," Angelica said as searched through her stacks of letters. "I have the actual invitation here somewhere. I wanted to go desperately; it would be my first party since father held a cabinet position. Ah!" she said triumphantly, pulling a card from the stack and handing it to her brother. "There you are. Mother said now wouldn't be a good time. I understand why, but I miss Theo. It's been years since we last saw her, and it's an actual dinner party! Wouldn't it be grand?" she asked, dreamily. "I might go myself, but as a _young lady_ it is apparently _inappropriate_ to appear without a chaperone," she said rolling her eyes.

Phillip read the card in his hand. _Theo must have spent ages working on these,_ he thought, examining the neat script.

"Unless…" Angelica trailed off. Phillip's head snapped up.

"What are you scheming?"

"No scheme. It's just, well, _you_ could be a chaperone, couldn't you?" she smiled.

"No."

"But Philiip."

"No, Angelica. I only just got home and now you're roping me into going to a dinner party? I'd like to enjoy my time home."

"But it's not for another couple of weeks. Phillip, please? I'll never ask anything of you again!" Angelica pleaded.

"We both know that's not true," Phillip said shaking his head.

"Please?"

"No."

"We needn't stay long."

"Then why go?"

"To experience a dinner party, of course."

"Ange-"

"PLEASE," she begged, putting on her best pout. "And we get to see Theodosia again."

"She was always more of your friend than mine."

"All the more reason for you to go, to make your favorite little sister happy after leaving her alone for months at a time," she grinned. Phillip stared down his sister for a moment.

"You're my only little sister."

Angelica said nothing, pleading only with her eyes. Phillip groaned.

"Fine."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Not if you keep asking, I won't be."

Angelica mimed buttoning up her lips before mouthing, "Thank you."

A moment later the siblings heard the front door opening, followed by their mother's voice, "Angelica?"

"I'm in the kitchen mother! Phillip's home!"

* * *

Thanks for making it this far! Future chapters will be longer :) feedback is very much appreciated!


	2. Chapter 1: What to Say to You

Chapter 1: What to Say to You

* * *

He recognized her instantly, even from across the room. It's true, a few years had passed since he had last seen her, but her face had, for the most part, remained unchanged. It had certainly lost the remnants of baby fat that had rounded her cheeks before, her cheekbones slightly more defined under her dark complexion. And, unlike the last time he saw her, a vibrant smile graced her face as she chatted with her friend.

He supposed he shouldn't have been too surprised to see her as it was a dinner party she had arranged in her own stately home. Nevertheless, her sudden presence in the room stunned him for a moment, unable to look away from the hostess.

"-nearing your skill level ever since you've gone away for school. I think it would be nice, maybe even make her smile. So, what you- Phillip?" Angelica paused, abruptly aware that her brother's attention lie elsewhere. "Phillip," she called, waving a hand in front of his face. Phillip snapped his head back to his sister.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "What were you saying?"

"The surprise for mother's birthday. Where were you just then? You looked lost," Angelica said, furrowing her brow in concern. "Are you feeling all right?"

"I'm fine, honest," replied the fifteen-year-old as he brushed away the hand making its way to his forehead. "Just distracted for a moment. You have my undivided attention now," he said, shooting a convincing smile her way.

"Only if you're sure, we could go home early…" she trailed off.

"And miss the party you haven't stopped talking about for weeks? I think not. Though why you were ever so excited despite not having danced once I'll never know. Piano, you were saying? You want to play piano for mother?"

Angelica looked him over once more for some sign of illness before continuing. "It's the atmosphere of it all, Phillip, not to mention the free dinner. And yes, but a duet. I know you're fond of improvising so I thought you could join me on one of mother's favorite pieces. And I've gotten quite good since you've been away," she said proudly.

Phillip smiled affectionately at his sister. "I think that sounds like a wonderful idea. Mother will love it, especially after the last month," he said with a grimace.

"My thoughts exactly!" Angelica said. "Please never leave for school again," she pleaded, only half joking as she clung to his arm. "I never seem to be on the same page as Alexander as I am with you and James is still to young to really converse with."

Phillip laughed. "I'll be done with boarding school soon enough, don't fret. Though, I feel I must point out there is a flaw in your plan."

"What's that?"

"It won't be much of a surprise if we're practicing at home. Mother hasn't left the house once since that damned pamphlet and I doubt she will while it's still the talk of the town."

"Oh," Angelica said, visibly disheartened. "I hadn't thought about that." She frowned, her chin in her hand as she gazed out to the dance floor where several couples moved to the music of the quartet in the corner.

Phillip took the opportunity of silence to look back at the girl from across the room only to find that she was no longer there. A quick scan of the room told him that the vision in a pale blue dress from earlier was currently moving about the room, checking on her guests.

"Who are you looking for?" he heard his sister as from a mile away.

"No one," he answered, perhaps a little to quickly. "I just thought I saw-"

"Theodosia!"

"What? No! I mean- I'm not- I"

"Hush! That's the solution to our problem! Theodosia! What if we ask Theodosia to let us practice at here at her house?" Angelica asked excitedly.

Phillip groaned. "I don't think that's such a good idea. You know pops absolutely detests her father. He thinks Burr is one of the reason's he's in the whole mess with the affair becoming public-"

"Father has no one but himself to blame for that." Angelica quickly interjected, but Phillip continued on.

"And besides, we haven't really even spoken to Theodosia since her mother's funeral."

"She invited us to this dinner party, did she not?"

"I mean, yes but-"

"And you haven't stopped looking for her since you spotted her, have you not?"

"Again, yes but- wait no! I- I'm not-" Phillip sputtered. His sister smirked.

"Oh, come on. I didn't get it at first, but your eyes have been glued to her since you saw her a moment ago." Phillip felt his cheeks heat up. "Really though, and this isn't about our father or who he does and doesn't trust. This is about our mother. She adored Mrs. Burr. I'm sure she could not care less about where we practice." Phillips hands fidgeted in his lap, still unconvinced of the idea. "And, it would give me reason to reacquaint with Theo. We used to be such good friends before her mother passed," she said wistfully.

Phillip sighed. "I suppose if Theodosia were to agree, it would be all right by me, but we still don't know if it's something she'd agree to. Don't you have other friends we could ask should-"

"Mr. and Miss Hamilton! I do hope you two are enjoying yourselves," a voice chimed from just behind Phillip's left shoulder. Their hostess, even lovelier up close, stood with arms extending to take Angelica's hands.

"Theodosia!" Angelica exclaimed, ignoring the outstretched hands and launching herself into Theodosia's arms instead. "You look absolutely beautiful!" she said, taking a step back, still holding onto Theo's arms. "And this evening has been amazing! I can't believe you put this all together yourself!"

Theodosia laughed, "Thank you, Angelica. I did have some help from my mother's old notes, but I think I managed well."

"More than well! Thank you so much for inviting us," Angelica smiled.

"Oh, of course," Theo smiled. "Thank you so much for coming. I only wish your whole family could have made it, but I'm glad you and Phillip managed to come out," she said smiling, glancing at Phillip who quickly closed the mouth that propped itself open upon hearing her voice.

Phillip cleared his throat and stood awkwardly. "We wouldn't miss an old friend's first party for anything else this world could offer," he said smoothly, dipping his head slightly in greeting.

Angelica raised an eyebrow. "Really? Because only yesterday you were saying how terr—"

"HOW terrible it would be to miss it, yeah." Phillip interrupted, loudly. His cheeks started to heat up, something surely not gone unnoticed by the now chuckling Theodosia Burr.

"Phillip, there's no doubt in my mind you would have done everything in your power to avoid dressing up to come to a dinner party," said the young Burr. With a smile, she added, "Which makes it all the more impressive that my invitation managed to get you to come around." Phillip felt himself redden more. "So again, thank you for coming. Do sit," she said, addressing them both once more. "Don't let me keep you from your meal."

"Won't you join us for a minute?" asked Angelica. "We have so much to catch up on," she said, pulling out the chair beside hers

Theodosia glanced around the room. "I don't see why not," she decided, seating herself on the side of Angelica opposite Phillip.

"How have you been?" Phillip asked. "It's been nearly three years since we last saw you."

Theodosia gave a sad smile. "It has been a while, hasn't it? I've been well. It's odd now, being woman of the house, but it's a new challenge and I did always love a good challenge. It's gotten easier ever since father let me take on more responsibility when the re-election season for senate." Theo paused. "Congratulations to your grandfather for a race well run."

"Thank you," Angelica replied. "And your education? I remember your mother tutored you. Have you continued with your studies?"

"Angelica," Phillip hissed at his sister, "perhaps she doesn't want to keep being reminded of her mother tonight."

"Oh, no, I don't mind, Phillip." Theodosia said soothingly. "You're right, Angelica. My mother was my primary tutor, but I'm continuing my education independently now. Something to pass the time between letters to write," Theo smiled. "And the two of you, how have you been?"

"We've certainly had better summers," Angelica mumbled. "This whole business with the pamphlet hasn't done much good for our family."

"Oh, yes I've heard about that," Theodosia stated, sympathy plain on her face as she reached out a hand to comfort Angelica. "I'm sorry you've all been put through all of that."

Phillip gave a small smile. "It's easier to deal with now that we can all be together, but it will take some time for everything to get back to normal."

"Only I hope it happens soon," Angelica sighed. "It's been so gloomy and mother's birthday's coming up."

"Oh? Anything planned?" Theodosia asked.

"Just a small gathering of family. Aunt Angelica and Aunt Peggy are going to help make a dinner of mother's favorites," said Phillip.

"Phillip and I were also thinking of surprising her with-"

"Angelica," he warned. Both girls glanced at him.

"Fine, _I_ was thinking that Phillip and I could surprise her with a piano performance. But there is an issue."

"You can't practice at home, of course. Not when your mother's there."

"As clever as you are beautiful." The words were out of Phillip's mouth before he had any recognition that it was his voice speaking them. He felt the blood rush to his cheeks once again. The blush was mirrored in Theodosia's cheeks.

Ignoring her brother's comment, Angelica proceeded. "Exactly! So we're at a sort of loss of where to turn, and we- well, I- was hoping-"

"I would be more than happy to offer you both my home piano for practice," Theodosia said, the blush still faint on her cheeks as she finally looked away from Phillip. "After this party, my house won't be busy. Father will be in and out with, well, business, so he won't be much of an issue. I'd love to have the both of you around."

"Oh, thank you!" Angelica squeaked, clasping her hands together.

"You must tell us should we ever become a nuisance," Phillip said, though he meant none of it as the thought of being around Theodosia frequently twisted his stomach in what could only be described as pleasant discomfort.

"I'm sure that won't be a problem at all," Theo said playfully. "How often will you need to rehearse?"

"We still have over a month before the party, but I still need to learn the piece. I would imagine three times per week would suffice, for no more than two or three hours."

"That sounds lovely," Theodosia said as the music of the quartet ended and a round of applause filled the room. "I'm sorry, please excuse me, I must continue to make my rounds now," she said, standing up. Phillip followed suit awkwardly.

"Erm," he coughed. "Thank you, for- offering your home to us. We really do appreciate it," he said, giving a brief bow.

Theodosia smiled, "It is my pleasure." Turning to Angelica she added, "I shall see you soon, then. Write to me when you're ready to get started." She turned away to walk through the tables, continuing to greet her guests.

"You can sit down any moment now, Phillip."

He quickly found his way into his seat again. "So, Theo agreed."

"She did."

"And, now we're going to visit her three times a week."

"We are."

"Angelica?"

"Phillip?"

"Don't let me make a fool of myself."

"Oh, I couldn't stop you if I tried."

* * *

Thank you for making it this far! See, longer chapters! :) I expect that I'll be able to get a chapter up at least once every two weeks, if not more often. Again feedback is much appreciated! I don't have a beta reader, so if there are any typos I may have missed, feel free to let me know.


	3. Chapter 2: Helpless

Happy (nearly) Fourth of July!

Raise a glass to freedom!  
(Something many countries have, but Americans pretend we're special :) )

* * *

 _My dearest Angelica,_

 _I thank you for your kind words. I am so glad you enjoyed yourself at the ball. Much of the response has been positive thus far._

 _I did not forget your proposal. I have talked it over with Father, and he has no qualms with you and Phillip visiting. I suspect if the idea had involved your father, he may not have been so amiable, but he is still rather fond of your mother and Aunt Angelica._

 _I will be at home on the fifth of July if you would like to begin then._

 _Give my love to Philip and your family._

 _Yours sincerely,_

 _Theodosia Burr_

"'Give my love to Philip?' What does that mean?" Philip asked out loud. He held the letter in his hands, standing behind the chair of his sister's writing desk. Angelica, thoroughly annoyed at having her letter snatched from her hands moments ago, rolled her eyes and twisted in her chair to face him.

"It _means_ that that letter was intended for _me_ to read," she said as she plucked it from his fingers. "And that my nosy brother is a part of the family to whom I am to give her love." She turned back and began to compose her response.

"But she _specifically_ noted me." Philip persisted.

"Likely because you were the only other family member at the party," Angelica sighed. "Honestly Philip, you know I will always cheer you on, but in this case perhaps you're making a large deal on little evidence."

Philip said nothing, realizing that his sister was right. He had talked to Theodosia for less than fifteen minutes at Friday's dinner. Just because he had been smitten with her the moment he saw her didn't mean that she automatically returned his feelings. He hadn't even been nearly as clever with her as he normally was with ladies. He folded his arms across his chest and stared dejectedly at the floor. _Perhaps Theodosia would never even consider me to be worthy of he_ r, he thought miserably. _Fifteen minutes in her presence and not one charming, witty comment. I'm sure I just looked like a total-_

"Philip?"

Philip snapped out of his thoughts. He looked at his sister, her face sad and sympathetic.

"How is Theo affecting you so much? You said yourself, we barely know her after all these years."

Philip's brow furrowed. "I don't know. I just- I saw her and she looked- I don't know." He leaned against the wall behind the desk, head thrown back in frustration and eyes closed. "It doesn't make sense to me; I don't know how to explain it to you. I probably don't even stand a chance to court her when we are older."

There was a pause.

"You really do like her, don't you?" Angelica asked softly.

Philip nodded slowly.

"Oh, brother mine," Angelica said, standing. Philip felt her place a hand on his shoulder. "If you really like her, I'm sure you'll have an opportunity to prove yourself to her. Try not to work yourself up so soon. You've barely had a chance to get to know her." He felt his sister rest her head on his shoulder. He allowed the weight to comfort him. They stood in silence for a moment. "Three days a week for the next month. Take those moments to befriend her when we're not practicing. Keep a cool head."

Philip looked down at his sister. "Easier said than done, dear Angelica."

She smiled. "I believe in you. And I'll be there to help you out." She patted his shoulder and moved back to her desk. "Now, I need to write back or we won't be going at all."

Philip had been pacing in his room all morning. He and Angelica were to leave at noon for the Burr residence, but time only seemed to drag on slowly. The younger Alexander, awakened by his brother's spacing shortly after Philip had gotten dressed, asked the older boy what was troubling him. Philip only brushed the eleven-year-old's concerns aside. He supposed then, that he shouldn't have been surprised when his mother appeared in the doorway after Alex had gone down to breakfast.

"Philip?" she called, tapping on the door frame. "Alex told me you are an hour away from wearing a hole in the floor. Is everything alright?" Philip looked up. Elizabeth stood cautiously at the door, holding her swollen, pregnant stomach with one hand, and leaning against the door frame with the other. Her eyes were filled with concern for her oldest son.

"I'm fine," he answered quickly. Eliza quirked an eyebrow. "Really, mother. It's nothing. You needn't worry. You ought to be sitting anyway. Let me help you back down stairs."

"Oh, but this bed is so much closer," she said with a smile as she made her way to Philip's bed. "There, now I'm sitting, and you can tell me what has you so preoccupied."

Philip hesitated, unsure of how much to tell his mother without giving away the circumstances of his situation. "Well, do you remember how Angelica and I went to the Burr's dinner party?"

Eliza nodded patiently.

"Well, Angelica and I were able to chat with Theodosia as she made her way around the tables." Elizabeth smiled, but said nothing. Philip was grateful for this. "And, well, now Angelica wants to go- that is, we're going into town later today, and I'm afraid that we will be running into Theodosia and I- I …" Phillip trailed off, avoiding his mother's gaze.

"You admire her?" offered Eliza with a small smile.

Philip's cheeks heated. He chanced a glance up his mother. Her knowing smile made him look back at the floor.

"Relax, my dear Philip." Eliza patted a spot on the bed next to her. Phillip sat beside his mother, leaning into her just slightly as she wrapped an arm around him. "She's just a girl, same as any other."

"It doesn't feel that way. I just felt so…"

"Helpless when you first saw her?"

Philip nodded. "And now I don't know how to act around her. It wasn't this difficult when we were younger."

"When you were younger, you weren't thinking of girls in this way." Philip looked up at his mother. "I know you've noticed this already, but girls will now play a different role in your life. Theodosia must be a special one for her to have captured your heart so suddenly." She held his head with a hand and said, "All you can do is try your best to be yourself. If Theodosia were to feel the same way, it's best that she falls for you, not the you that you only want her to believe you are. Be true to yourself first, little Phil." She kissed his forehead. "Besides, who is to say that you will even come across her today? The city is a large place." She smoothed his hair down with a quick pat. "Now walk me down to the dining room so we can both have breakfast."

Philip helped his mother up off the bed and down the stairs. While the talk had settled his nerves slightly, he couldn't shake the fluttering in his stomach.

A few long hours later, Philip and Angelica were making their way into town to Theodosia's house. Sheet music was tucked away into the small purse hanging off of Angelica's shoulder. Although her parasol hid the duo from a significant amount of the sun's radiating heat, Philip felt heat rising up inside him as they neared the Burr residence. Even his palms were sweating as they swung by his sides.

"How's my hair?" he asked quickly when the destination came into view.

Angelica laughed. "Better now that you've tied it up. Relax, Philip."

"You sound like mother."

"Well, mother's right."

They continued in silence.

As they made their way up to the door, Philip attempted to smooth down the fly-away curls on his head and took a deep breath. _Don't over react, it's just a piano rehearsal,_ he thought to himself. _She may not even be around us the whole time._

Angelica knocked on the door. Philip's stomach somersaulted as the door opened, but settled when he saw that one of the Burr's servants had opened the door. The woman, soft-spoken and perhaps in her early thirties, led them to the sitting room. She told them that Theodosia would be down in a moment, and that Theo had asked them to make themselves at home.

The upright piano sat against a far wall of the room. A couch sat facing it and a coffee table was squeezed between the two. The siblings perched themselves on the couch and sat in silence in the unfamiliar home. Philip marveled at just how quiet the home was. Apart from some rustling in the kitchen, the next room over, and the occasional footsteps from the floor above them, the home was absolutely silent. It was far different from the Hamilton home. His siblings were very well-behaved, but even the most well-behaved kids were noisy as they moved about the house.

 _You could hear a feathered pen hit the floor here,_ he thought. He looked at his sister who seemed to be thinking the same thing.

Only a couple of minutes later, Theodosia's footsteps came, rushing down the stairs, but slowing as she must have entered the hall. When she rounded the door, Philip and Angelica stood.

"I do apologize for keeping you waiting," she said. Her cheeks were slightly reddened. Philip couldn't tell if it was from rushing down the stairs or if she had powdered her cheeks with rouge like he had seen his mother do on special occasions. "I had some- er, last minute thank you notes to write and lost track of the time." Her eyes didn't quite meet his as she said this.

"It's no worry," Phillip said.

"Thank you, again, for letting us practice here," added Angelica.

Theodosia smiled. "It is no problem. Please, help yourselves to the piano," she said gesturing to the instrument. Angelica made her way to it, opening her purse to pull out the sheet music. Theodosia showed her how to uncover the keys.

Philip, slightly unsure of himself, stayed back even as Angelica sat herself at the piano. When Theodosia saw that her friend was comfortable, she turned back to Philip.

"Are you learning the piece as well?" she asked.

"Oh, no. I'm only here to help her learn it for now," he said.

"I think I can manage by myself for the time being," Angelica said coolly, giving her brother a discrete, and rather unladylike wink. Philip cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Oh, well. I do hope we can find something to keep you occupied." Phillip's eyes widened a moment, hearing an innuendo in the innocent comment. Theodosia continued, "Perhaps I can show you the gardens."

"I think that would be lovely," Angelica answered for him.

"Philip?"

"Of course, that would be lovely," he agreed.

"Wonderful!" she cheered. "We'll only be outside should Angelica need your help. Is there anything I can get you before we go, Angelica? Perhaps a glass of water?" she offered.

"Oh, no. I'll be fine here, thank you." Angelica was already placing her fingers on the keys, tapping out the music's rhythm. Philip, caught between aggravation at his sister for throwing him in this situation right off the bat and being pleased that she was trying to help him at her first chance, gestured for the front door.

"Shall we, then?" he asked.

"I'll lead the way," she said, her tone almost sly as she stepped in front of him.

Philip followed her, but spared a glance back at his sister who was smirking at the sheet music. She looked at him from the corner of her eye. _Good luck_ , she seemed to be saying.

 _Heaven knows I need it,_ he tried to convey back as he stepped out of the front door behind Theodosia.

* * *

We are very close to Philip and Theo having an actual conversation together! ...And we're only 3 chapters in! Sorry about that.

It's also a rather awkward moment when you realize you've been spelling your main character's name wrong 2,000+ words in. It's Philip...not Phillip. My bad.

Thanks to everyone whose given kudos, subscribed, and commented! I really appreciate it!

Bug me on tumblr! .com :)


	4. Chapter 3: You Forget Yourself

The sound of rhythmic tapping on ivory keys was dulled as Philip shut the door behind them. He almost felt guilty about leaving his sister to figure out the piece by herself, but he only needed to remind himself that it was basically his sister's idea after all, and all guilt was wiped away.

"It's such a lovely day out. More heat than humidity," Theodosia commented as she made her way down the porch steps, Philip only a step behind her.

"A lovely day to be on a stroll with a lovely woman," Philip said, hoping it sounded half as smooth as he had hoped. Philip's hope was further flamed by the small smile Theo gave, glancing at him from the corner of her eye.

"Philip, you flatter me."

"But I offer only the sincerest flattery," he said as they rounded the corner of her home, the garden in the backyard coming into range of sight and smell. The garden took up what appeared to be acres of an expansive yard. Bright flowers peppered color on the green hedges. Had he not been so distracted by the garden, Philip might not have missed Theodosia's not so subtle eye roll.

"A line you've practiced on many ladies, I imagine." Theodosia said, curtly. Philip snapped his head to look at her.

"What?"

"You're at boarding school, I imagine you find yourself in the company of ladies often when out around town. Does flattery get you far with them?" She asked, she kept her tone level and cool, but Philip couldn't help to be struck by the sudden change in tone of the conversation. He stopped in his tracks.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

"Oh you don't, do you?" she asked turning to face him. She stood defensively, arms crossed over herself. "Are you not, then, the ladies' man that I've heard so much about?"

"What?" he asked incredulously. "Where did you-"

"Social events give you a rather lovely opportunity to listen in on gossip, and from what I heard Mary saying about your flirtatious attitude with _her-_ "

"Wait. Mary? What? No," he stumbled. "Theo, I'm only fifteen-"

"Nearly old enough to be married, that means noth-"

"I've only so much as held a girl's hand! I never intend to, to-" he faltered, his cheeks burning.

"You never intend to flirt your way into seduction?" Her gaze was hard and strong. Philip couldn't help but look away. He found an interesting patch of grass on the floor to look at instead.

"No. That is, erm-" He cleared his throat, but Theodosia was the first to speak.

"Because, you see," she said, softly, "when I first saw you that night, and you were so… shy. I thought that perhaps you- well, I thought perhaps you might haven taken an interest in me. And you made that comment about how I-" She stopped. Phillip heard her let out a long breath before she continued. "Perhaps this is too forward of me to say, but in those few moments I had taken an interest in you."

Philip dared to look up. Theodosia looked at him softly, her guard down for just a second before she continued. "But minutes later, I learn that I'm not the only one to be on the receiving end of your compliments," she spat. "Am I just another face for you to forget after you've had your way?"

"No, it's like that, Theo. Not with you. Please believe me." He willed for the sincerity he felt to be evident on his face. How could he have fallen out of her grace so quickly?

Theodosia looked him over and sighed. "I would like to, but the Philip I knew once wasn't this way, flirtatious with every girl he met. He talked to me without any intent behind his words, and now it would appear as though I need to guard my heart around you."

Philip felt her words sting him. "I'm still the same Philip. I've just grown up, that's all. I'm not child anymore." Theo stared at him for a moment, but said nothing. "But, I promise you, Theodosia: I have no intention of doing anything to hurt you," he said, taking a hesitant step forward to bridge the distance between them. "In fact, I would very much like to continue to be your friend, as we were when we were kids."

Theodosia looked down, picking at a fiber on her skirt. "I was always more of a friend to Angelica than I was to you."

"That _exactly_ what I told Angelica!" he said without missing a beat.

Theodosia chuckled and lifted her eyes to look at him again. "I _have_ missed you both."

Philip smiled at her. "We've missed you, too. It was nice having someone other than my sister to talk to."

"I always thought we were a nuisance to you more than anything," she said, resuming her walk toward the garden.

"Oh you were, but you two were my favorite nuisances," he said, taking large strides to keep up, his heart lightening with each step. Theodosia laughed. Philip's heart sped up a little. Trying to keep the atmosphere light, he jokingly asked, "So, do I really have the reputation of being a ladies' man from school?"

Theodosia huffed, but her tone remained playful as she replied. "It would appear so, from what I've heard."

"Oh. Well, that's quite-"

"You're there to _learn_ , Philip. You're not there to socialize with women and find yourself a wife," she scolded lightly.

"Who said anything about a wife?"

Theodosia glowered at him. He laughed as he tried to backtrack his words.

"I only mean, any of the women in the area there aren't particularly suitable for marriage. They tend to be women of the world, to put it delicately."

Theodosia sighed. "I still think it's a shame. There you are, off to receive an education to make your way in the world, but instead you find yourself in the company of _worldly women-"_

"Well, I mean _I'm_ not meeting-"

"Meanwhile, I'm here, made to educate _myself_. There's only so much one can teach herself with book, you know," she said smartly. "I would love to have the opportunity to go to a university." She picked up her skirts as they walked over a particularly muddy patch. Philip stared at her for a moment.

"Would you really?" he asked, curiously.

"Oh, yes." Her answer was firm. "It seems awfully silly to me that the only thing that prevents me from doing so is my sex. As if I had any say in the matter of the nature in which I was born," she grumbled. "If only I were a boy. I'd be on my way to the College of New Jersey, no doubt."

The defiant and determined look in her eyes compelled him to say, "I'm sure you would be."

"Truly." She paused. They entered the garden and followed the dirt path that took them between the rows of various roses and wild flowers. A gazebo sat in the center of the garden, vines that sported periwinkle flowers climbed the posts.

"This is beautiful, Theo. Do work on them yourself?"

"I prune them and water them occasionally, but the construction and major developments were handled by a gardener," she admitted.

"You're doing a marvelous job with maintenance, at the very least."

Theo smiled. "Thank you," she said politely. "If only you could have seen the spring bloom. It was lovelier."

They continued to walk around the garden in silence. Philip occasionally stole glances at the girl by his side. She walked with her hands clasped behind her band. Philip found himself wishing she would drop them so that he might have an excuse to brush his hand against hers.

"Do you want to know something?" she asked, breaking the silence. Philip refocused his attention.

"What's that?"

"When I'm older, and when I'm not telling my future husband how to properly do his job-" Philip laughed "-I'd very much like to be a tutor for older girls. I'd give them a proper education."

"Only for older girls?" he inquired.

"You will find that while most tutors have no issues teaching basic writing, reading, and arithmetic to girls under ten years of age, very few tutors want anything to do with older girls who should be 'preparing for marriage,' as if that is our only job."

"How modern of you." He said, feeling some pride for his friend.

"It'll be the way of the world soon. Mark my words, one day women will be able to enter colleges, just the same as men. We are just as capable." Philip didn't doubt her in the slightest. In his short life, he had been surrounded by strong, clever women.

"You and my Aunt Angelica would get along very well," he offered. She looked up and smiled at him.

"I've heard about her. I'm inclined to agree."

He smiled back at her. "I'd like you to meet her sometime. Perhaps if you came to mother's birthday?"

Philip hoped he wasn't imagining the color that rushed to her cheeks as she said, "I'd like that very much."

They continued their stroll through the garden slowly. Every now and then, Theo would stop and point out her favorite flowers, giving him the Linnaean classification name and native habitat. Philip watched her enthusiastically explain everything she knew. He prompted her by asking after different flowers she skipped over, and she, happy that someone was taking in interest in her studies, happily filled him in. Nearly an hour and half passed before Philip reluctantly suggested they go back inside to check on Angelica.

Angelica, as it turned out, was a very quick study. In the time that she had been left alone, she had worked her way through half of the selection at tempo only one-quarter slower than the recommended.

"I told you I've gotten better since you've left!" She was eager to tell him.

"You may not even need to come as often as you thought," Theo suggested, almost sounding disappointed, but Philip tried not to overthink it.

"Oh no, I want it to be absolutely perfect for mother," Angelica said. "Sorry, Theo, you're not getting rid of us just yet. I'll need all the time I can get to practice." Angelica tucked the music away into her purse and covered the piano keys.

"If you don't mind, that is," Philip added quickly.

Theo shook her head. "Of course not. I gave you my word on the frequency. It won't change."

"Excellent!" Angelica interjected, smilingly widely as she looked between the pair. "Well, I think a sufficient amount of work was accomplished today, and we ought to make our way home now. Shall we see you the day after next?"

"I look forward to it," Theo smiled and said as she led them to the door. "I had a wonderful time today."

"As did I," said Philip, looking her in the eye. They stood by the door for a moment. Angelica watched in silence as the two held each other's gaze for longer than necessary. She cleared her throat.

"Right, well. We should be leaving now," said the little sister, a little impatiently.

"Right," Theodosia and Philip responded simultaneously, prompting a quick giggle from the two.

"Until the day after next," Philip said, walking backward down the porch steps, keeping an eye on Theo.

"Until then," Theo countered before waving to Angelica and closing the door behind her.

Philip turned as the door shut firmly and looked at his sister, who wore an expectant look on her face.

"So how did it go?" she asked.

"I-I'm not sure."


End file.
